One or two Americans have asked me why the English like tea so much, which never seems to them to be a very good drink. To understand, you have to make it properly.
There is a very simple principle to the making of tea, and it’s this - to get the proper flavor of tea, the water has to be boilING (not boilED) when it hits the tea leaves. If it’s merely hot, then the tea will be insipid. That’s why we English have these odd rituals, such as warming the teapot first (so as not to cause the boiling water to cool down too fast as it hits the pot). And that’s why the American habit of bringing a teacup, a tea bag, and a pot of hot water to the table is merely the perfect way of making a thin, pale, watery cup of tea that nobody in their right mind would want to drink. The Americans are all mystified about why the English make such a big thing out of tea because most Americans HAVE NEVER HAD A GOOD CUP OF TEA. That’s why they don’t understand. In fact, the truth of the matter is that most English people don’t know how to make tea anymore either, and most people drink cheap instant coffee instead, which is a pity and gives Americans the impression that the English are just generally clueless about hot stimulants.
So the best advice I can give to an American arriving in England is this: Go to Marks and Spencer and buy a packet of Earl Grey tea. Go back to where you’re staying and boil a kettle of water. While it is coming to a boil, open the sealed packet and sniff. Careful - you may feel a bit dizzy, but this is in fact perfectly legal. When the kettle has boiled, pour a little of it into a teapot, swirl it around, and tip it out again. Put a couple (or three, depending on the size of the pot) of tea bags into the pot. (If I was really trying to lead you on the paths of righteousness, I would tell you to use free leaves rather than bags, but let’s just take this in easy stages.) Bring the kettle back up to a boil, and then pour the boiling water as quickly as you can into the pot. Let it stand for two or three minutes, and then pour it into a cup. Some people will tell you that you shouldn’t have milk with Earl Grey, just a slice of lemon. Screw them. I like it with milk. If you think you will like it with milk, then it’s probably best to put some milk into the bottom of the cup before you pour in the tea. If you pour milk into a cup of hot tea, you will scald the milk. If you think you will prefer it with a slice of lemon, then, well, add a slice of lemon.
Drink it. After a few moments you will begin to think that the place you’ve come to isn’t maybe quite so strange and crazy after all.
Douglas Adams (Salmon of Doubt)
the only time I will ever advocate for a Twilight AU
Wife: meanwhile, i'm on chapter ten and i fucking love peeta
Wife: HE'S SUCH A DELICATE FLOWER?
Me: HE IS. ITS GREAT
Wife: KATNISS IS LIKE "LET'S NOT FUCKING DIE"
AND PEETA'S LIKE "BUT WHAT ABOUT OUR IMMORTAL SOULS? I JUST WANNA BE FREE TO BE ME WHEN I'M SHANKIN' A DUDE WHO'S TRYING TO KILL ME, KATNISS"
and it's so beautiful.
like, he's the girl. peeta is the heroine of the story. and katniss is the emotially damaged lead with anger issues
i love it
I really do
he fucking bakes bread. and PAINTS.
Wife: IT IS
and katniss is constantly frustrated with him. oh my god, peeta, throw something and make yourself useful i don't have time for your feelings and your sparkling personality so stop making me feel things
Me: ... I really want a Twilight thing where Katniss is the vampire and Peeta is the wonderfully ~human mortal and they fall in love and Katniss HATES IT
Wife: OH MY GOD
OH MY GOD YES
all i can see is peeta trying to warm katniss's heart with his looooooove, and she's like "i could eat you. i could literally eat you right now."
Someone I follow, maybe more than one person, uses the tag #emorts for Emily Mortimer. I would like to thank you, whomever you are, because for some reason I have a mental block against remembering Emily Mortimer’s last name, and that tag is literally the only way I can remember it.
We also see the creation of tone in a toneless medium. In order to simulate conversational patterns in writing we SHOUT WHEN WE’RE SUPER EXCITED or *psssst whisper when we’re pretending to tell someone a secret while perfectly aware that anyone on the internet can read what we’re saying.* slash the coolest bit tho is that u can like ironically forgo all capitalization and punctuation just write in a weird speech pattern its ok everyone will still understand maybe it even helps read the text more quickly because nothing is interrupting the flow of words
In short, this dialect results when people who already share a language are given new tools. The result isn’t a butchering of English language but a creative experiment with it. Am I claiming that the Internet as a whole is operating on a level of postmodernism that would make Joseph Heller, Kurt Vonnegut and Thomas Pynchon seem like novices? maybe i am maybe im not u punk wut of it like who r u to tell me otherwise
Tia Baheri: “Your Ability to Can Even: A Defense of Internet Linguistics" | The Toast
Totally worth reading the whole article, especially the part on Tumblr and gender. (via i-come-by-it-honestly)
I second that. The whole article is fascinating. Here’s the conclusion:
On the one hand, linguists like to remind us that this is more of the same old stuff, just another development in communication, much like the advent of the typewriter and the telegram: it will change how we communicate but it will have a limited effect on the way we speak with one another.
On the other hand, the Internet could be something on the scale of the invention of the printing press, it might forever alter the way we think about language and relate to one another. Increasingly, Internet Language is not just a phenomenon restricted to the computer screen and we don’t simply disconnect from this dialect when we log out of Tumblr. Admittedly, language moves quickly on the Internet and it’s hard to talk about one definite “Internet Language” when it’s continuously changing.
And, of course, it isn’t perfect: there are, as there have always been, those determined to treat language rather poorly. But the Internet Language phenomenon is just as much sociological as it is sociolinguistic: we are just as shaped by language as it is shaped by us. Internet language requires participation and imagination. It requires you to be able to convey excitement and frustration and sarcasm using only words and symbols—if you don’t think that’s cool…well, then, I don’t even.